Today marks a day that many women will relate to. Some choose to go public with their loss, and some do not. The fact of the matter is 15-20% of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. This fact makes my heart hurt. The saddest part about this is that we, as the human race, do not openly discuss these losses. People keep their miscarriages and infertility quiet, as if the feelings and sadness might just disappear one day. I know that I feel ashamed sometimes, like I have some incurable disease, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I imagine these feelings are similar across the board.
Today, my candle burns for the babies we have lost. Halloween will be the anniversary of my first miscarriage. While remembering the last year, I have to find peace in the good times, too. The times I was calculating due dates, and planning how we were going share our news. How I was already convinced I knew the sex of my babies, and how I envisioned their lives. Thinking of baby names, and what they will call their grandparents and aunts. This was the fun part. And these things are what keep me going.
I focus on miscarriage for this post because it is the only thing I have experienced, but I do not want to ignore the infant loss. There are people in my life who have lost a child, and it's heartbreaking. My candle is lit for them, too.
My prayers continue daily for every single person that is in this battle. No matter what the outcome, we will win.
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