Sunday, December 30, 2012

I'm Back!

Wow! It's been almost 4 weeks since my last post, and I have to apologize for that. I've been so super busy with Christmas and birthdays and have tried to avoid thinking about our fertility issues. It's been wonderful. I also haven't updated because there really isn't anything new going on.

I guess the biggest thing happening is that my hysteroscopy is scheduled for January 11th. This procedure will allow Dr. P to go in and look at my uterus with a camera to check for growths or other issues that may be causing our difficulty getting pregnant and staying pregnant. Assuming all is well with this procedure, then once I start my period in mid January, we will start on the birth control pills and be on our way to our first IVF cycle.

Sometimes I think about quitting all of this. It's exhausting and I dread going through it all again. But I know I can't quit. So I'm going to put my big girl panties on and go for it.

On a separate note, while catching up on my blog feed yesterday, there were a couple of pregnancy announcements, and so many posts about you girls that are already pregnant and your doctor appointments are going great. Congrats to all... I continue to pray for you every day!

Friday, December 7, 2012


My HCG has dropped to 17, so it's confirmed that we are having our 4th miscarriage. 4 losses in 12 months. I have no idea what our next steps are. Right now I don't really care. I'm going back to my care free cycle. :)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Ummm, I'm Pregnant. But...

There is a .05% chance that it is a viable pregnancy. In my world of odds, that is not good news. I know you think I lied to you about the IUI failing, having my period, the spotting, but I didn't. Pinky swear. Nothing about this makes sense... it's pretty bizarre.

After all the spotting I had last week, I decided to take a pregnancy test on Friday night, totally expecting it to be negative. After all, I have no symptoms, and I had a period two weeks ago (a real period- it was super heavy- it absolutely was NOT implantation bleeding). But nope. That 2nd line showed up in about 2 seconds. WTH. After a minor freak out major meltdown, I decided to take two more on Saturday morning, just to make sure.

I'm sorry, WHAT? How is this possible? So I called Dr. P's on call nurse after taking those tests and they told me I needed to come in immediately. They did blood work, and Dr. P talked with us for a little while. There are lots of things that COULD have happened, and we likely won't ever know what actually happened. The most likely case is that the IUI did work, but we miscarried early, and this is just leftover HCG. Or there is the possibility that this is an ectopic pregnancy. After talking things over with Dr. P, we left with no real answers. Dr. P called me around 2 on Saturday with the results: HCG 59 (definitely pregnant), Progesterone 1.1 (yikes- that's too low). He told me to start taking my progesterone again, just in case. I asked him to be honest with me about what was happening, and he said he really didn't know, but he has seen a lot of things in his years of practicing. He told me to come back Monday morning for beta #2, so we had something to compare these numbers to.

Naturally, I took more tests throughout the weekend, just to see if the line got darker.They were definitely getting darker.

I went in Monday for beta#2, and the results were as follows: my HCG actually rose to 89, and progesterone to 39. In order for them to consider my HCG level "healthy," they wanted it to rise at least 60%, which would have been 95.

I will go back again Friday for blood work so that we can rule out ectopic. After that, I guess we just wait. I have been taking tests each morning and the line is getting lighter, so I think my levels are dropping pretty quickly on my own.

I am sad and confused. It's okay though. Obviously this wasn't supposed to be. It still sucks, but it will be okay. We will be okay. We just have to keep moving forward. IVF is probably delayed now because of this, which is probably good. I was kind of thinking of taking a few months off anyway, so maybe this is my sign to do so.

And hey, now you can say you know someone that actually did have their period when they really were pregnant. How many people can say that?! :)

Thank you all for always being here for me.