Prayers

I'm sorry I've left you hanging. I've had thoughts ever since I started this blog about what I would do once I actually got pregnant, but it was never a reality for me. I could never really put myself in those shoes to try to figure it out. Infertility has taken a lot away from me. I don't get to be excited about a positive test, or rising betas. I don't get to have special announcements about our news. Instead, I get to be nervous, scared, and anxious for my next doctor's visit.

I am so grateful for where we are at right now. I am not ready to talk about this yet, but I wanted to ask that you continue to pray for us. God is great. 

Caved

I've been praying harder than ever that this cycle will be successful. Mostly for selfish reasons, like I feel like I've been patient enough and it's our turn, and also that I am very nervous to move on to IVF. But mainly because we are ready for this. We are ready for our family to grow. I like to think we have been ready for all the years we have been trying, but I know that isn't the case. God has been shaping our lives and our relationship so that His plan can work. I know that we will be parents in His time and we have to continue to be patient. 

I caved today. I took a test. I'm 10DPO. It was a teensy bit positive, which is 99.99% likely still the trigger in my system. I've had a really great feeling about this cycle. Regardless of the outcome, I think I can contribute these positive, worry free feelings to the amount of praying I have been doing. I have not had anxiety, and haven't googled one single "symptom". I really haven't thought a whole lot about all of this... I mean, don't get me wrong, it's always in the back of my mind, but I've just been pretty chill about it. Anyway, only time will tell. We will know by Monday if this worked or not. Either way, our journey continues to the unknown- it's either the IVF journey, or a (hopeful) 9 month journey to meet our baby. And I'm ready for both. I've never been so ready for a Monday in my life.

One week down...

One week down, and one left to go until we know if our IUI worked. This week has flown by. We are redoing our office/guestroom/one-of-these-days nursery room, so we have picked out paint, and I hung a new ceiling fan. I am now in the process of putting up new 2 inch wood blinds, then we will paint and hang the new closet doors, and Elfa the closet (shout out Container Store- love it). I also have a new obsession with Breaking Bad. We started watching season 1 on Netflix last Sunday, and it's all I think about. I absolutely love it. And it keeps my mind off of all things baby related, which is great.

This week is packed full of events. We are going to a Stars game Monday, I have dinner with a friend Tuesday, and a cosmetics party Thursday. I am certain the other nights will be filled with finishing season 2 of Breaking Bad. And then hopefully, next Monday, on my half birthday, we will get good news. But until then, we're just taking it day by day, and are praying hard.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers as well. It means the world to me.

IUI # 3 Done

Our third and probably final IUI was done this morning. Everything went great. I'll return to the doctor on Thursday for the HCG booster shot, and will start progesterone supplements Thursday night. Beta is scheduled for March 25th, which is my half birthday (yes, I celebrate it!), and also my parent's anniversary. 

It can't get much better than this- one nice follicle, beautiful, thick lining, lots of Superman Swimmers (we didn't ask how many, but the doctor did mention that they looked awesome and very active) and the septum is gone. Praying hard and crossing everything I have that this will be our baby.

Triggered Our Lone Ranger!

My appointment this morning revealed one mature follicle, measuring about 20mm, with 3-4 measuring 13mm. My lining was fantastic at 10.7mm. We decided to trigger tonight, and IUI is scheduled for Monday morning. I am a bit disappointed... I mean, I know it only takes one, but I just assumed that I would have more based on our previous Follistim/Lupron cycles. But at the same time, I'm so glad we have at least one!

So here is to our lone ranger- Come on, little guy! Let's make this one count!

Torn

Besides the emotional roller coaster that this journey takes us on, there are all sorts of smaller battles I get to face. One that has come up a lot recently has to do with my friends. 

I would say that 95% of our friends have kids and most are starting on round 2. My friends have been so great about announcing their pregnancies to me... most have been very respectful of our situation and have told me in private before announcing to the world. This means everything to me, because regardless of how happy I am for them, it still hurts me that I am not there. 

Another topic that has come up a lot recently is kid birthday parties (baby showers could fit in this category also). I do not like going to kid birthday parties. It's not because I don't love your kid- it's strictly selfish. I am just not at a place right now where I am okay being around a lot of kids and babies. The "torn" subject that comes up is that because I usually decline when asked to a kid party or baby shower, my friends have now stopped inviting me. HORRIBLE idea! This hurts my feelings even more! I know that they are probably just trying to protect me, but it makes me feel left out, when I already feel like I'm the only one in the world with out a child! 

 

So please friends, keep the invites coming. I promise one day I'll come around. Until then, please understand where I'm at. Plus, I promise I'll still send a present. You know your kid wants another Polo shirt. :)

All Clear!

So happy! Dr. P didn't find any bad news today during the sonohyst, so we are moving forward with IUI #3. I had lots of small follicles today, the biggest one being 11mm, and my E2 level came back at 268. We are right on track. I go back Saturday to see what is going on.

Thank you for all the thoughts, prayers, and messages! I'm so grateful for the support we have!

CD4

CD 1 was March 1st. My E2 level was 42, and I started my 20 units of Lupron on Friday night, and will continue those twice a day until we trigger. I started my 50 units of Follistim twice a day yesterday. 

While I have a good feeling about this cycle, there is still a lot that can happen. I will go in on Wednesday for the sonohyst. If he sees anything that could cause a problem with a pregnancy (polyps, fibroids, severe scar tissue), then we cancel the cycle and we will have to address the problems. Prayers that everything healed beautifully would be greatly appreciated! If everything looks good, he will also be checking my follicle size and making sure we are on the right track. If all goes as it has in the past, we should be triggering next Monday-ish, and IUI on Tuesday-ish! Things never go how they should, but a girl can dream, right!!??

xoxo!