Friday, October 5, 2012

The journey continues...

My appointment yesterday did not go well. There was very minimal growth on the larger follicle, and it was determined, for the 2nd month in a row, I will not ovulate. I don't know why I had high expectations; I guess I thought that all the vitamins and acupuncture would help regulate everything, and I really thought that I was going to ovulate on my own this time.

The nurse says the plan for next month is another injectible cycle with an IUI. I should be excited. This is what I have wanted. Yet I am not. I don't WANT to do this. I don't WANT to give myself a shot in the stomach 3 times a day. I don't WANT to go to the doctor every other day for them to take blood and check my follicles. I don't WANT to have to do the IUI again. It hurt. I don't WANT to go through the 2 weeks of symptoms, and I don't WANT another BFN. I am tired of the acupuncture and the vitamins. I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster that I put myself through and that T has to go through. I WANT this to be easy, like it is for almost everyone else around me. In a recent post, I said that I was letting go of all the stress, worry, and fear. And I have done that, to an extent. Now, it's just draining me to think about doing this again. I want to throw in the towel. But I keep going back to my very first post, and what I have told myself from day 1... and that is, WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

At this time I am not sure what we will do next cycle. I will be making an appointment for us to meet with our doctor next week. We have a few concerns and I want some answers on a few things. One of the obvious, main things is, I feel like we have 3 problems. 1- I am not ovulating. 2- When I do ovulate, we can't get pregnant. 3- When I do get pregnant, I lose it before 6 weeks. There HAS to be something causing all of this, and it can't be that hard to figure out, right?

I'll keep you posted on the outcome of our meeting. In the meantime, hug your babies for me. They are a true blessing that so many people struggle for, and may never get to experience.


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