Tuesday, August 28, 2012

No Ovulation, Take 2

Well, my doctor's appointment today went as I had expected it to. We're pretty sure I didn't ovulate this month. And even if I did, my lining is so thin that nothing would be able to stick. The reason we aren't certain about ovulation is because of those cysts- it's just too hard to distinguish them from follicles. So I'll wait to start my period and call them when that happens to decide what we will do next round.

When I initially wrote this post, I was actually kind of happy about this news because we leave for Hawaii in three weeks and while I would have been SO happy to be pregnant, I am glad I can drink and have fun instead of being worried about being pregnant. But instead of posting right away, I saved it as a draft and decided to come back to it a little later. My feelings have completely changed about it all. I'm sad and frustrated, all over again. My heart hurts, all over again. I have a sick feeling that is so deep within myself, I don't know how to try to make it better. I think most of it is the fear that this will never happen, and it's all my fault. I really don't have any other words right now.

I just don't get it. And I know I never will.


intunewithmyautoimmune said...

Psalm 30:5 "Sorrow endures for a night, but joy will come in the morning." It may never get better or easy. Even in adoption, infertility takes a piece of you that can never be fully healed. My best advice is to reconnect to your man on your vacation. Truly pour out your heart and bond...remember what it was like before all the hurt. Enjoy the paradise then come back ready to conquer the world ;)

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