Keeping on...

Another good appointment today! I head back on Friday!

Lining: 7.8mm

Left: 5 follicles- 14.5mm, 2 12mm, 2 11mm

Right: 2 follicles, both 13mm

E2: 913 (nice and high!)

Here is where I was this time last IUI cycle... still moving a little faster than I did last time. If things keep progressing as they are, we will likely trigger on Saturday and IUI on Monday. Keep it up, little guys!

Keep on keepin on...

Keep is a funny word. Say it a few times in your head... it starts to sound really weird. Anyway...

 

Things are looking good based on my sonogram and blood work today. I had 6 or 7 follicles measuring 10-11mm, which is great, and my lining was at 7.5mm (also great). My E2 level came back at 354, which the nurse said was high, but a good high. We are keeping all dosages the same, and I head back on Wednesday to see how we're doing. While my last IUI cycle's protocol was a little different (dosages were different), you can see here where I was at the same time in my cycle. I don't know that comparing cycles is all that reliable, but this one seems to be moving along a little faster than last time. Let's hope different means GOOD!!!

Forward March...

Today is CD1. My baseline sonogram was good today... no cysts. My E2 level came back at 33, which they want it less than 50, so we are good there too. My protocol is as follows:

Lupron Microdose- 20 units in morning and night, starting today

Follistim- 50 units in the morning and night, starting Friday

IUI #2, if my body cooperates.

That's 4 injections per day. Yikes. 

I go back to the doctor on Monday to see what my little guys are doing. Hoping, praying, and crossing everything that we get a good egg (or two!). 

I follow a lot of blogs, mostly people I don't know, but I have read some very good stories over the last few weeks. Stories of people like us that finally get pregnant, some even against all odds. Miracles do happen, we just have to wait our turn for ours. 

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

 

Today marks a day that many women will relate to. Some choose to go public with their loss, and some do not. The fact of the matter is 15-20% of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. This fact makes my heart hurt. The saddest part about this is that we, as the human race, do not openly discuss these losses. People keep their miscarriages and infertility quiet, as if the feelings and sadness might just disappear one day. I know that I feel ashamed sometimes, like I have some incurable disease, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I imagine these feelings are similar across the board. 

Today, my candle burns for the babies we have lost. Halloween will be the anniversary of my first miscarriage. While remembering the last year, I have to find peace in the good times, too. The times I was calculating due dates, and planning how we were going share our news. How I was already convinced I knew the sex of my babies, and how I envisioned their lives. Thinking of baby names, and what they will call their grandparents and aunts. This was the fun part. And these things are what keep me going.

I focus on miscarriage for this post because it is the only thing I have experienced, but I do not want to ignore the infant loss. There are people in my life who have lost a child, and it's heartbreaking. My candle is lit for them, too.

My prayers continue daily for every single person that is in this battle. No matter what the outcome, we will win.

Today's visit with Dr. P

Our meeting with Dr. P today went well. We addressed all the concerns we had. I've summarized everything below. 

1. We want the same nurse every time. Nurses measure differently, and it's really frustrating to have to continue to explain where we are in the cycle, what we have done in the past, etc. Dr. P agreed and said we will have the same nurse going forward. 

2. Dr. P definitely thinks my issue is low egg count/ poor egg quality. We will be doing the AMH/FSH/Estradiol blood test one more time next cycle just to confirm this. This is something that is hereditary, so there is nothing I could have done to change it.

3. I am to start progesterone today for 7 days to bring on my period. 

4. He told a story about another one of his patients who has a very similar story to mine. She did one IUI a few months ago and it failed. She did another IUI last month, and had 5 mature follicles. She decided to proceed with the IUI, even with Dr. P advising of the risk that all 5 could fertilize. She figured she had tried for so long to get pregnant and already had one failed IUI, that the odds of all 5 fertilizing were practically zero (which I can totally see). But she was wrong. She is now pregnant with 5 babies. She has some really tough decisions to face. The point of this is there is hope, but you have to be careful and understand the risks of going through fertility treatments.

5. Most Importantly, The Plan: We are doing an IUI next cycle, assuming my body cooperates. If it fails, we move on to IVF. I ordered my meds today. Let's get this show on the road.

The journey continues...

My appointment yesterday did not go well. There was very minimal growth on the larger follicle, and it was determined, for the 2nd month in a row, I will not ovulate. I don't know why I had high expectations; I guess I thought that all the vitamins and acupuncture would help regulate everything, and I really thought that I was going to ovulate on my own this time.

The nurse says the plan for next month is another injectible cycle with an IUI. I should be excited. This is what I have wanted. Yet I am not. I don't WANT to do this. I don't WANT to give myself a shot in the stomach 3 times a day. I don't WANT to go to the doctor every other day for them to take blood and check my follicles. I don't WANT to have to do the IUI again. It hurt. I don't WANT to go through the 2 weeks of symptoms, and I don't WANT another BFN. I am tired of the acupuncture and the vitamins. I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster that I put myself through and that T has to go through. I WANT this to be easy, like it is for almost everyone else around me. In a recent post, I said that I was letting go of all the stress, worry, and fear. And I have done that, to an extent. Now, it's just draining me to think about doing this again. I want to throw in the towel. But I keep going back to my very first post, and what I have told myself from day 1... and that is, WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

At this time I am not sure what we will do next cycle. I will be making an appointment for us to meet with our doctor next week. We have a few concerns and I want some answers on a few things. One of the obvious, main things is, I feel like we have 3 problems. 1- I am not ovulating. 2- When I do ovulate, we can't get pregnant. 3- When I do get pregnant, I lose it before 6 weeks. There HAS to be something causing all of this, and it can't be that hard to figure out, right?

I'll keep you posted on the outcome of our meeting. In the meantime, hug your babies for me. They are a true blessing that so many people struggle for, and may never get to experience.

CD 13

Just a quick update... I finally started my period on 9/19, making today CD 13. We got back from Maui on Friday (which was AMAZING), so I went to the doctor today to see if anything was going on. I have two 10mm follicles on the right, and one 12mm on the left. Lining is at 8mm, so all looks good for now. I go back Thursday to see what is happening.