Friday, November 16, 2012

We WERE Pregnant?

These past two weeks have been pretty typical as far as my symptoms go. I've had a few things happen that were making me think I was pregnant, but everything mostly started fading this week, which is pretty normal when I am about to start my period. I had written this cycle off, and started getting excited about taking next cycle off, eating whatever I wanted, and enjoying holiday cocktails.

I told myself from the beginning that I would not test until Friday, November 16th. All week I was dreading this morning. I just did not want to see another blank, negative test. I have been praying that I would just start my period early so that I wouldn't have to see a negative test. It makes me sick to think about how many negative tests I have seen, and every time, it's just as hard.

So this morning, I tested. I peed on the stick and watched the control line turn super dark, and nothing showed up on the test line. Negative test, again. I went ahead and got ready for work, and about 10 minutes later, came back to throw the test away, and there was another line. It was soooo super faint, but it was definitely there. I immediately knew that it had to be the booster shot still in my system. I called my doctor, and went ahead and went in for blood work. All the nurses were so excited, following me around and listening to me talk. I kept telling them that there was nothing to be excited about, this is clearly not real. They understood, and agreed that this wasn't exactly promising, but I think they were just glad that I wasn't in there bawling my eyes out like I normally am!

I was right. Beta came back at 7 (5 or higher is considered pregnant), but we wanted to see it at least at 30 to consider it real. I even started bleeding today waiting for the nurse to call back with the results. It's hard to tell if the positive test was the booster shot still in my system, or if we did actually get pregnant, but it stopped developing. I tend to believe we got pregnant, just because of the symptoms I was having, but I guess we will never really know. Somehow, I am surprisingly okay with all of this. I guess at some point you get used to the failure... it becomes the norm.

I'm really ready to move on to IVF. I feel like it's a whole new chapter. I've already ordered a book so I can start learning about the process, because right now I know nothing. But more than anything, I'm ready for a break. No doctor's appointments or peeing on things. A true break. I'm ready to enjoy time with my boo, my family, friends and relax during the most wonderful time of the year.


Aspgriswold said...

I am so sorry hun! I know how devastating chemical pregnancies can be. Sending hugs!!!

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